Raves have always been places where people forge extraordinary friendships, but staying connected with long-distance rave friends can get complex. Keeping the connections that blossom on the dance floor alive after festival season requires intentional effort if catching up in person isn’t an option—yet at the same time, texting and coordinating times to video chat can feel demanding and repetitive. It becomes easy to drop the ball on friendship maintenance when it starts to feel like another task to check off, but that doesn’t mean you have to let a good friendship slip away.
It takes extra work, but nurturing long-distance rave friendships is worth the effort—they’ve become some of the most endearing relationships in my personal life—and there are ways to prevent your connection from falling into a boring communication rut. With a bit of thinking outside the box, your connections can still thrive when you’re away from the rave, and these creative ideas can help make it all possible:
Start A Snail Mail Item Swap
People who remember “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants” should know what to do here. In the age of digital communication, receiving a physical item from a distant friend feels truly special. Having something physical to hold on to gives far-away friends a concrete reminder of each other’s presence, and with some creativity, you can even establish a new tradition that pulls in the entire crew.
For this activity, a group of friends chooses an item to mail to each other individually over a set period. For example, the group might choose a plushie toy, a pair of sunglasses, a pashmina, or another accessory or trinket of choice. The group then decides in which order members will send each other the item (to stay true to the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants tradition, the person who lives the furthest away goes first). They will also decide how long each person can hold on to the item before passing it on. Rotations could cover the time between your next festival together, continue throughout the year, or carry on however the group prefers.
Participants can even turn their item swap into a unique group tradition by building on a personal twist—like requiring each person to take a photo with the item at their next rave (or other adventure) and adding it to a collective collage. This easy and playful activity allows long-distance friends to stay involved in each other’s lives, and it can make for good memories for years to come.
Put Together a Group Outfit
Group outfits are a great way to celebrate a friendship when the tribe is apart and when everyone is together. Like the item swap, there are endless ways to personalize the idea. Perhaps the crew coordinates a special day or activity that everyone can gear up for, or the group creates a shared album for everyone to upload their outfit photos.
With some experimental thinking, this can also be a fun avenue for long-distance friends to peer deeper into each other’s lives and see how adventurous people are willing to get. You might challenge each other to wear the outfit to your next non-rave concert, a house party, the grocery store, the movies, or another unassuming setting to shake things up. To take it further, throw rewards and challenges in the mix to create your own game. Your group can make things as straightforward or as involved as you want; the important thing is to have fun with it.
Step Up To The Game(s)
Games can always liven up a hangout, and interacting through play can keep long-distance friendships feeling fresh and relevant. As suggested above, creating a DIY game is one option, but it doesn’t have to involve re-inventing the wheel. With a myriad of options to choose from, your crew can bond over an online game. You can even incorporate interactive games into your video chat sessions to make virtual hangouts feel more natural and engaging—and it doesn’t have to involve full-scale “gaming,” either. I’m not a gamer, but even simple phone games like the NYT Games’ “Wordle” are a fun connecting point in some long-distance relationships.
Make a Shared Watch List
Your long-distance rave family can also bond over a TV show or a movie watch list. Apps like Discord and the Google Chrome extension Teleparty allow users to watch shows, games, and even movies in real time so that the group can arrange a live virtual movie night.
Another option is to plan a livestream watch party for the next time your favorite artist goes live or even throw on a recorded live stream of a past festival on video chat for a virtual rave experience. I credit watch parties like these with preserving my sanity during the dark days of lockdowns, and they remain a solid option for when the crew can’t rave together in person.
Practice Mindful Communication
The sky is truly the limit when it comes to finding fun ways to keep the rave crew engaged when you’re apart, but there’s one final point that can’t be ignored when it comes to keeping long-distance friendships from growing distant: All friendships need nurturing. The strongest friendships are built on shared experiences, vulnerability, reciprocity (a dynamic where people contribute equally to the relationship), and a healthy amount of exclusivity. “Exclusivity” in this context refers to developing unique traits like group nicknames or inside jokes that make a friendship feel unique—that’s not to be confused with “cliquey” behavior. Keeping these dynamics in balance relies on communication, so communication breakdown, aka “the fizzle,” often becomes the biggest killer of long-distance friendships.
From my experience, I’ve seen that this often starts when one side of a friendship feels they’re pouring hard into a relationship without getting enough in return. In contrast, the other side feels pressured by expectations they can’t meet. Long-distance communication looks different to different people, and it’s important to remember that showing up consistently in a virtual dynamic does not come quickly to everyone. That’s why it’s crucial to establish a culture of honesty and be proactive about making your needs known. Handling these challenges head-on with patience and understanding will go a long way in keeping your rave family together through thick and thin.
Images by Insomniac.
